Behind the scenes of this humble blog I have a gizmo that indicates how many visitors stop by and where in the world they are located. It doesn't tell me who stops by, but sometimes it shows what brought them here... whether it was a link on another blog or if someone Googled "small town".
I noticed today that I had a number of visitors from a Catholic site. I decided to re-read my latest post to see what they would see and I was disturbed by the realization that I didn't sound very Catholic. This jumped out at me when I re-read the parts about being pregnant three years in a row and losing one of the babies. I'm afraid I sounded a bit cavalier and ungrateful.
The thing is, those who know me know that I am anything but cavalier and ungrateful about those pregnancies. They also know that I tend to be somewhat sarcastic. Not the mean spirited, attacking others sort of sarcasm but the self-deprecating, fatalistic kind.
So I wonder... if someone doesn't know me, mightn't they read me say that in 2008 I got pregnant and lost the baby, so that autumn season was no fun and think that I'm shallow and heartless? While those who do know me know how overjoyed I was to have been blessed with another child and how deeply I mourned her loss. And still do.
Here's my little addendum for my new visitors: Hi! Welcome! I just want you to know how very thankful I am for those three pregnancies. They were a gift and worth every sacrifice. The physical sufferings and the grief of loss were offered up for the conversion of sinners and for the poor souls in Purgatory. The Lord can not be outdone in generosity, of course, and those autumn-wrecking pregnancies led to my two beautiful little boys and my precious St. Veronica, who I intend to meet someday.
And now I wish I had worn waterproof mascara today!
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
It's Fall!
Well, maybe not for a few more days but I'm too excited to wait much longer! It's time for picking apples and taking wagon rides... getting jugs of locally made apple cider... picking pumpkins and picking out costumes. I've got catalogs for craft kits that I want to make and outdoor decorations and indoor decorations! The children are excited, too, thankfully.
I was wondering why I'm so excited this year? I've got more plans than I can keep straight but why this year? Then I went back through the years in my mind and realized something surprising. We haven't celebrated this season in five years.
2010: We spent all of September in the hospital with a critically ill newborn and I had emergency surgery complicated by pneumonia. I spent October staring out the window, shell-shocked.
2009: We did go apple picking but then I got pregnant with Walter and spent the rest of the season feeling crummy.
2008: I was pregnant and lost the baby, so that season was a bust.
2007: I was pregnant (do you see a theme?) and spent all fall in bed with morning sickness. We didn't get out much.
2006: I was counting this as a good year but now that I think about it, at the time we called it an annus horribilus, so forget this year, too.
That means that not since 2005 have we had a nice fun autumn. No wonder I'm excited!
Monday, September 12, 2011
Song Links
My dear friend, L., is not familiar with Alan Jackson's "Where Were You When The World Stopped Turning". Oh honey... it is such a beautiful song. Please, please listen to it because I know you will fall in love with it. This video is very family safe. It's just him on a stage singing...
I also really like Darryl Worely's "Have You Forgotten?". This video is good... mostly family friendly. There are images of the towers on fire and falling but no graphic footage. There may be a photo of the late Fr. Mychal Judge being carried to church.
And then just for the rah, rah - proud to be an American effect, I love Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue". The video is totally child safe but the song is... adult themed? It's great, though!
I also really like Darryl Worely's "Have You Forgotten?". This video is good... mostly family friendly. There are images of the towers on fire and falling but no graphic footage. There may be a photo of the late Fr. Mychal Judge being carried to church.
And then just for the rah, rah - proud to be an American effect, I love Toby Keith's "Courtesy of the Red, White and Blue". The video is totally child safe but the song is... adult themed? It's great, though!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Answering Alan Jackson
Within just a few weeks of September 11, 2001, Alan Jackson wrote a song that managed to capture perfectly the confusing swirl of emotions that Americans were feeling. It was remarkable because these thoughts and emotions felt so personal yet apparently they were universal. I have always nodded my answers to his questions but today... on the 10th anniversary... I'm going to write them down for posterity's sake and share them with my children.
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day? Upstairs in my bedroom folding laundry at our house in Belleville. Three of our children (ages 6, 4, almost 2) were downstairs playing. Baby Joseph (8 months) was with me. My dad called to ask if I was watching television.
Were you in the yard with your wife and children Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky? Yes. Once the second plane hit and I realized this was no accident, I had to clutch the bedpost for support.
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry? Once the first tower fell and I realized that I had just watched scores of firemen die, the bedpost quit working and I sank to the ground sobbing.
Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know? Yes, so many tears and so many prayers that day... urgent, real time prayers.
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below? Yes.
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue Absolutely, but that was not new to me.
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do? Those were the hardest losses to me. My father is a retired police officer and his father was a fireman. Plus, there was something about seeing all of those first responders rushing into those towers as everybody else was rushing out. Eternal rest grant them, O Lord.
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer Still do.
And look at yourself and what really matters? Still do.
I'm just a singer of simple songs Yeah, me, too.
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
you the difference in Iraq and Iran Same here.
But I know Jesus and I talk to God Same here.
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love Amen, Alan Jackson. Amen.
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children I was raising a house full of innocent children.
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor Yes and I wasn't even at risk that day.
In a crowded room did you feel alone? Yes.
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her? I called because she was in the hospital at the time.
Did you dust off that Bible at home? Sure did.
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened Yes.
Close your eyes and not go to sleep? Often.
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages Yes! I noticed things like weeds along the side of the road and how they had such pretty flowers. Then I felt sorry for God that He would bless us with flowering weeds and yet humanity could be guilty of such depravity.
Or speak to some stranger on the street? Yes. You could say to someone at the store, "Isn't it awful?" and they would know exactly what you were talking about. And they wouldn't think you were weird for saying it.
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow For the first time, I lost my certainty that the continental U.S. was impervious to attack. I know that is not a luxury that citizens of other nations have ever felt but it had been our reality. Now, without warning, that innocence was shattered. It was very frightening.
Or go out and buy you a gun? I'm all in favor of gun ownership, but that didn't seem necessary for me, personally.
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns? Yes, violence no longer seemed entertaining but more like rubbing salt in a wound.
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers Yes, Mass that night at Christ the King parish in Ann Arbor.
Did you stand in line and give your own blood? I tried to but the response was overwhelming for the Red Cross and they were asking people to call and schedule appointments well into the future.
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love? Absolutely.
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
you the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love.
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day? Upstairs in my bedroom folding laundry at our house in Belleville. Three of our children (ages 6, 4, almost 2) were downstairs playing. Baby Joseph (8 months) was with me. My dad called to ask if I was watching television.
Were you in the yard with your wife and children Or working on some stage in L.A.?
Did you stand there in shock at the sight of that black smoke
Risin' against that blue sky? Yes. Once the second plane hit and I realized this was no accident, I had to clutch the bedpost for support.
Did you shout out in anger, in fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry? Once the first tower fell and I realized that I had just watched scores of firemen die, the bedpost quit working and I sank to the ground sobbing.
Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know? Yes, so many tears and so many prayers that day... urgent, real time prayers.
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below? Yes.
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue Absolutely, but that was not new to me.
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do? Those were the hardest losses to me. My father is a retired police officer and his father was a fireman. Plus, there was something about seeing all of those first responders rushing into those towers as everybody else was rushing out. Eternal rest grant them, O Lord.
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer Still do.
And look at yourself and what really matters? Still do.
I'm just a singer of simple songs Yeah, me, too.
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
you the difference in Iraq and Iran Same here.
But I know Jesus and I talk to God Same here.
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love Amen, Alan Jackson. Amen.
Where were you when the world stopped turning on that September day?
Were you teaching a class full of innocent children I was raising a house full of innocent children.
Or driving down some cold interstate?
Did you feel guilty 'cause you're a survivor Yes and I wasn't even at risk that day.
In a crowded room did you feel alone? Yes.
Did you call up your mother and tell her you loved her? I called because she was in the hospital at the time.
Did you dust off that Bible at home? Sure did.
Did you open your eyes, hope it never happened Yes.
Close your eyes and not go to sleep? Often.
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages Yes! I noticed things like weeds along the side of the road and how they had such pretty flowers. Then I felt sorry for God that He would bless us with flowering weeds and yet humanity could be guilty of such depravity.
Or speak to some stranger on the street? Yes. You could say to someone at the store, "Isn't it awful?" and they would know exactly what you were talking about. And they wouldn't think you were weird for saying it.
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow For the first time, I lost my certainty that the continental U.S. was impervious to attack. I know that is not a luxury that citizens of other nations have ever felt but it had been our reality. Now, without warning, that innocence was shattered. It was very frightening.
Or go out and buy you a gun? I'm all in favor of gun ownership, but that didn't seem necessary for me, personally.
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watchin'
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns? Yes, violence no longer seemed entertaining but more like rubbing salt in a wound.
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some strangers Yes, Mass that night at Christ the King parish in Ann Arbor.
Did you stand in line and give your own blood? I tried to but the response was overwhelming for the Red Cross and they were asking people to call and schedule appointments well into the future.
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love? Absolutely.
I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell
you the difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith, hope and love are some good things He gave us
And the greatest is love.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
School Daze
I'm kind of longing for the days in which my children were young enough that homeschooling meant getting out the Play-Dough.
Michael, our 16 year old, basically skipped high school and went straight to community college. As of this semester, he's doing that full-time. If that sounds like bragging, trust me when I say that I'm actually pointing out how lazy I am. Two years ago it was time for him to do high school and I said, "Uhhh... I dunno... How about he take some classes at the community college?". Granted, they had to make an exception to admit him on account of his young age and amazing test scores and now I'm bragging...
But Caroline, our very bright but more normal daughter, is on a different path and that means that I actually have to do something about high school for her. She is 14 and I can't put it off any longer. So after some frantic searching and praying I am happy to have enrolled her in Kolbe Academy. I love their Classical approach and how flexible they are in regards to curricula. This year is the Greek Year and she will be reading Plato, Herodotus, Homer, Sophocles and all those other high-falutin' Greeks.
It's going to be great. I can tell it will be. Really. But it is so. much. work. And we are so. not. used. to. that.
Last year was what I call a "lost year". Baby Walter was born at the beginning of the school year and then spent the first month in the hospital. Then I got sick. Then he got diagnosed with a serious illness. Then it took me a while to recuperate from post-partum depression. Pete kept up with the children's math but that's about all we accomplished.
Sometimes I have to work not to be the superstitious type (what with that being a mortal sin and all) and overcome my fear that if I say something good I might "jinx" it. But I have a good feeling about this upcoming year. It's the first time in four years that I'm not pregnant, have a new baby, faced with someone's catastrophic illness (I will not knock on wood) or under my own personal rain cloud.
I'm going to go now and read Herodotus along with Caroline. Before yesterday I didn't even know how to pronounce Herodotus. (Let's be honest, before yesterday I had not even heard of Herodotus.) It's herAHduhtus.
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